The Search for Positive Past

Yesterday I was blessed to be able to enjoy walking around the Pilgrim Place Festival for over an hour.  I ran into a work friend, a wonderful woman who volunteers her time with our students often.  I was glad to see that she is recovering from being sick for a while.  We spoke about ceramics and a fellow artist-teacher-friend who will be moving onto a healthier life option for herself - bittersweet.  I told her to please say "Hello!" to my other work friends, a newly wed husband and wife that met at our wonderful studio and whom both took classes from the same art teacher I did (before me) in high school.  (I am so new to blogging and know that I set this blog up to be abundantly accessible so I will not post anyone's real name or my place of work lest that get back to me via the head of the company wanting to share a disapproving word or paperwork!)  The next booth I stopped at was one full of books written by the "pilgrims" who lived there in the Pilgrim Place community.  I had the joy of shaking the hand of and talking with one of the authors who had been a missionary in Thailand and Burma for 40 years AFTER retirement! I felt all at once empowered and tiny!  Empowered because he did that AFTER he retired! (if I understood correctly that is - I don't know - his hair was a very snowy white and he had the peace of an older man)  I felt tiny because I had no really good questions to ask him it seemed! I tried and tried to think of good ones and I think I did ask one: Which part of your experience was the most difficult? The beginning, leaving or other parts? He answered with much resilience and explained how much support he and his team received throughout their time there, how their main question to the people they were there to assist was, "What do you need?"  I even learned all about how he created a dictionary of their language (it had not been done before) with help and that you can buy it on Amazon for $125.00!  I could've casually interviewed him all day but did not want to be a pest.  So I purchased just one of his four possible books on display and am looking forward to reading his stories.
           I strolled on through the village and started noticing that I hadn't seen too much ethnic diversity in the crowd.  I wasn't surprised because of the location of the community and the probable affluence of the residents living there.  I also got to thinking about the real pilgrims of the 1700's.  We are taught that they were Europeans who had been persecuted for practicing the religion of their choice, Protestants (of the Catholic church), etc.  Were these the same people then that overtook the Natives upon arrival? I believe some of them were and that lack of cultural understanding and (in)tolerance produced fear which caused much of the violence.  One culture respects mainly the earth and its gifts while the other respects the self.  I do realize I am being very vague so feel free to offer up facts that indicate otherwise.  Then my mind began to wonder which of those first pilgrims would think slavery was a good idea.  When I thought of why they were leaving Europe I thought none of them probably did and wondered who AFTER them came up with one of the most cruel social constructs in the history of the world.  But, I remembered how the Natives were "othered" and taken advantage of, stolen from, and massacred.  Maybe it was a few pilgrims. . . But WHO exactly?  I wanted to believe that it was just tobacco and other product company owners that learned about the fortune to be had in "the Americas," and came over later to dominate and duplicate their own business ventures.  I will look it up but more specifically I was wondering what my family's connection to slavery was. I would like to search for the possiblity that some of my family (probably my father's side which came from Switzerland in the 1700's and eventually followed Church of the Brethern which stemmed from Mennonites which stemmed from Quakers) may have not only been against slavery but worked very hard to put a stop to it.  I think I better have a conversation with my grandfather.
      The point of all this, however, is to simply search for positive forces in my ancestry.  Find out who and what they did so I can share that with my children and my children's children someday if they ask.  I am very aware that families branch and break and shift and that I may be asking for a large dose of negative involvement with the ugly past as well.  That is something I am willing to face to find the very important pieces of positivity that also exist.
       In the meantime, I will just have to continue sloppily wading through my own thoughts and questions one of which, yesterday, was: "Is it very offensive or not at all offensive to give my (African-American) boyfriend or his family an LP of Bill Cosby now that I know they have a record player and just played an Alex Hayley piece the other night when I was there?" Part of me knew that it could be taken as a racist move ("Oh, she just bought this because Alex Hayley is black and so is Bill Cosby as if being black is the primary reason we would listen to an LP produced by a black person," yet I had to see how bad my mistake was...I had to see if my curious ignorance could teach me a lesson or propel far away from learning altogether. Granted, my boyfriend loves me and his family likes me pretty well, too, so...it's not a totally unbiased reaction they will offer. I don't think it would be wise to present such a "gift" to a newly made friendship with certain African-Americans as it would be seen as extremely offensive or hostile or ignorant at the very least!  It taught me a lesson from which I am still learning...Also having to be patient with family members who, like myself before I dated someone of a different background, have never thought of certain everyday expressions as being racist or at least having originated from the times of slavery, never questioned the media and movies' roles in shaping the minds of an entire society, etc. We talk about these sorts of things often but I am basically in private preschool and he holds a proverbial doctorate from a culturally rich, university.  I am starting to give myself homework though, so maybe I'm beyond the pre-school stage. . . If you pray or meditate, I desire your prayers in my search for truth.

Update

1.  I am not better at blogging today (yet).
2.  Five food kits have been received by people in need.
3.  Two hygiene kits have been prepared.
4.  My passion grows with each donation, each kit prepared, each connection made.
5.  Your support is needed in the form of positive thoughts, encouragement, prayers, donations, and giving.
6.  If you have any comments or questions, please leave them here or email: melbysoul@gmail.com
7.  Please feel free to offer any experiences or advice that may prove helpful for all of us.
8.  THANK YOU for reading this blog and for your support.
9.  Coming soon!  A donation box near . . . you?
10.  Could you skip a movie, a lunch, or a special coffee or drink to take a moment, stop and think.  Cans of pull-open organic vegetables at Fresh and Easy are only about 88 cents.  Next time you shop for cans for yourself, if you're able, just buy two - that is what I try to do.  Please see blog below: "Guidelines for Givers."

Guidelines for Givers

* Be grateful. Practice gratitude. Once you understand how very much you have, you will be able to share it freely with others.

* Be safe! Never try to approach someone who is aggressive. Give when the situation feels comfortable / safe, never when safety is in question. Try to go when there is plenty of light and try to go with someone.

* Do not give out of guilt! When you give out of love your actions are comfortable and offer a better opportunity to build trust which can allow people to be more receptive to your open heart.

* Have a completely open heart. A mind that’s focused on dignity and respect. Understand that receiving personal items in public can be embarrassing, that you are entering his or her space even though he or she may not feel they have one. Consider how it might feel to be there. You are a stranger to them, not an instant friend or “someone to be trusted.” Imagine how scared and then bitter you might be if you were forced to spend the night in public for a few nights, let alone several weeks or months. Be caring but discreet.

* Do not expect anything! Most people don’t know what to say in response and are greatly affected by how they’ve been treated or mistreated up to the point you greet them. Often times they will say nothing. Sometimes they will be embittered from people’s past inconsideration, harassment, lack of opportunity/resources, or disrespect and may even yell at you or complain. If this reality bothers or annoys you, then you may want to give in another way until you are ready.

* There are many ways to help. Donating supplies and keeping an ear open for individuals or families in need is a first and very important step. Supporting a giver financially or with encouragement or conversation is another wonderful support! Reading up on hunger, homelessness, and poverty is also effective for education and enriching one’s understanding and compassion.

* Do not give beyond your means! Doing so will cause you to build resentment about your self-derived financial deficits / responsibilities. Give what you can, when you can. This is an ongoing effort.

* Be patient and grateful, not self-pressured or stressed. Giving is much more difficult than it seems it ought to be. It takes practice, humility, time, energy, emotion and flexibility. Giving yourself unrealistic (overambitious) goals or specific deadlines may cause you to feel burdened or overwhelmed which negatively affects your health (mentally and physically). This in turn creates unnecessary stress in your life which will also have a negative impact on those whose lives you touch. On the contrary, cultivating gratitude breeds peace and generosity.

* Connect with others. Share experiences and helpful things you learn along the way.

Excellent Items to Donate

Food

- Easy to open cans of vegetables, fruit, meat or beans (many have pull-tabs)
- Crackers, cereal, granola, trail mix, nuts, rice cakes, noodles, rice (pre-cooked packages)
- Peanut butter, jelly, packets of sauce, butter, syrup, honey or spices
- Juice boxes or cans and small (or reusable) water bottles
- Fresh bread, muffins, sturdy vegetables (squash or carrots), and fruit (apples, oranges, bananas)

Utensils

- Can openers! (small)
- Spoons, forks, and knives (reusable or biodegradable are best!)
- Cups, bowls (or plates)
- Cloth napkins or dish towels
- Paper napkins or paper towels
- Close-lidded containers (for holding soup, etc.)
- A mug or thermos

Hygiene items

- Nail clippers!
- Soap, Shampoo, Conditioner
- Petroleum jelly or lotion
- A washcloth or small towel
- toothbrush/paste, floss
- bandages, antibiotic ointment, etc.
- cotton swabs
- wipes (unscented)
- comb or pic, hair rubber bands or clips
- lip balm / chapstick
- Deodorant
- Feminine products (even 1-2 items to be put in kits)

Other IMPORTANT items

- New socks, underwear, bags for carrying things (backpacks, totes)
- warm or waterproof clothing, esp. knit hats, gloves, scarves, shoes　
Food or hygiene kits will be prepared using the items you donate and will be given to those in need. If you have questions about donating food, supplies, or money, or about becoming a giver, please contact:melbysoul@gmail.com This is an ongoing effort. Thank you very much for your support! It's appreciated by many.

Tired Soup Man

Last Saturday it was rainy, on and off.  A pretty enjoyable weather for those of us with shelter.  I spent the majority of the morning chopping and boiling and simmering two batches of soup.  I really wanted to put some of the hot soup in the twist topped tupperware containers I had purchased for this very reason and deliver it to someone while it was still warm.  I couldn't believe how long it took me to get organized! I finally left the house around 1:00pm after a lengthy chat with my number one supporter.  I saw a few different people that probably would've enjoyed the soup but I was not comfortable approaching them either because they were males larger than myself or because they were in a group of about four individuals under a darkened bridge / overpass of a main road.  It was getting near the time of my engagement and I still needed to go home to look up directions.  As I was headed home, I took the "long-way," kind of switchbacking around some streets nearby.  Driving along a boulevard well-known for it's unsafe and underprivileged nature, I saw a middle-aged Hispanic man sitting on the steps of an office or abandoned building space with his head in his hands.  His hands were clasped together and also ruffling his messy hair.  He appeared to be worn down from the stress of life or a job he was just leaving or heading toward.  There was a bike and then I also noticed a cell phone.  It wasn't clear if he was homeless or just not home yet but it was clear he was tired and not at any kind of final destination.  I pulled over into the tiny office's parking lot and walked toward the man.  He looked up without hesitation so I asked if he was hungry.  He said yes so I offered him some soup.  As I walked back to my car to get it, he followed saying, "You have (it here)??"  I nodded yes and handed him the warm cup of homemade bean and vegetable garlic soup, crackers and bag with utensils and a napkin.  He took all of it and expressed his gratitude by saying thank you and nodding his head humbly.
     On my way home I started thinking of all the other homeless and hungry people I had witnessed.  I realized why this mobile project was loving but not quite efficient.  This same thought passed my mind when I began thinking about the cost of materials and food and about how much better it would be if I could or would buy in bulk and prepare a lot of the food ahead of time.
     I almost started typing dream-speak right now which means I should stop typing if I want to make sense.  I am very tired but grateful today, for so many "things."  Discussion on how to prepare the most, best, healthiest or just efficient method of food-giving will have to be continued in a later post. . .

The Family in Need

I was shopping at Fresh 'N Easy for some healthy items and adding a few things to my cart for those in need, whom I'd just started a food collection for that very morning, when my phone rang.  Funny to think of the days when your phone rang AT HOME when you were at the store.  On the other end of the line was my most supportive boyfriend (how funny - that could read as though I have more than one - I do not, Thank God).  He told me that he had just pulled over for a man and young boy who held a sign that said, "Family in Need, Please Help."  He was not able to give me the number at the time so we said we'd speak later and I continued my shopping only this time with a new zeal.  


As I added to and later thankfully subtracted from my cart, various food items I thought a family might need, a curious anxiety began to grow in my being.  I felt very excited that it was happening! My personal mission was taking root, a door of opportunity to make a difference no matter how tiny was creaking open!  "How could I pay for all the things they would need?" I thought.  I wanted to buy them soap, bread, towels, beans, and everything in between.  The magnitude of what people need really entered my mind, truly, for the first time.  How could I possibly get them even some of all that they needed?  Well, I decided that I could get them some of what they needed and so, with melancholy, I replaced several items back on the shelf and proceeded to the checkout line.  Even with the parred down batch I still managed to go about $30.00 over my budget.  


When I got home I arranged everything on a cleaned cabinet shelf and then set to making two finished food bags.  Each one had some form of protein, carbohydrate or starch, vegetable and fruit.  I began to make two hygiene kits as well but ran out of supplies (they just have toothpaste and soap for now).  Most of the food I had accumulated was from a very generous co-worker who has a heart for helping others also (like most of the people I work with).  Later that night (a Friday), my boyfriend relayed the phone number of the father in need to me.  


On Saturday morning I called and left a message with a young boy.  About an hour later as I was preparing some homemade soup, "Jacob" called back and we spoke for about five minutes.  The first thing he said was how grateful he was that my boyfriend even stopped. He went on to say that "no one stops so him just stopping to get our contact information made me feel so good."  Jacob was mostly looking for work.  His family of four, I believe, was okay on food for the time being (actually, he said they had "plenty" of food) due to having food stamps but that bills were the tough part.  After explaining about my food collection he was gracious and said that he was sure God would work something out.  Also, that if it got to be the end of the month and they were tight on food, he'd give me a call. 


Please keep this man and his family in your prayers and thoughts.  I believe he is in the business of handyman-type repairs.  I should have asked him more specifically what kind of work he was looking for - will try to remember to ask that important question next time.  Remember, the majority of people who are homeless are only temporarily so, often times families whose parents are unemployed for a time.  Luckily, Jacob's family is not homeless at this time but neither he nor his wife have a job right now despite efforts to secure one and we all know that food stamps will not cover rent or a mortgage.  


I will be posting a list of items that are great to donate soon.  So far this blog is intended to be read / responded to by people I know living locally.  If there are others who want to donate items or money I will have to figure that out as it happens.  Currently, I've devoted on cabinet shelf at home, one box at work and my car's trunk to the cause of helping people who are hungry to be nourished.  Thank you for your support, all kinds! It's appreciated by many.

The Food Ministry

I can remember crying in bed when I was five years old because our family had ice cream after dinner that night and I knew there were other people in the world that didn't even have any dinner.  My mom was touched and smiled and tried to unburden my heavy little heart but to no avail.  As I grew older my parents and siblings would tease me that I would probably become a missionary to Africa someday.  They laughed I think in part because they really believed what they were saying could become truth.

My ultimate goal is to start a soup kitchen that will eventually grow into a shelter / community for those in need.  On Monday, I put a collection box in our work staff room for people to donate food or hygiene items.  So far, I've prepared two "food kits" to carry in my car, had a father contact me (about a job), given hot, homemade soup to a middle-aged man on the street and gave away a food kit to a woman at a gas station whom I'm pretty sure tried to give it away right after (as she was not truly hungry for food but for money).

I plan to chronicle the events of this, my journey.  This is me but it is not for me.  If I get enough donations or have a hard time keeping up with them, I will begin to give the food kits to others to carry with them.  Thank you for your support (all kinds).  It's greatly appreciated by many.

On Racism

...it's not just about "being nice to everyone" or "not hating people because of how they look or act."  It's about undoing what's been done, what still goes on. It's messy and smiling or walking the other way is not enough.  If you believe all human beings are capable of the same great things ask yourself why so much inequality still exists? If you believe certain people or groups are less capable, ask yourself WHY? Then when you realize you have an instant answer to your own questions, understand it's been fed to you for quite some time. You don't even have to figure out the taste of it anymore or how it got there, you just spit it right out.  Immediate, repeated answers are not as true as the ones that have been continually searched out, asked again, and reanswered with more truth and meaning each time.  Dig deeper. Ask the tough questions and don't settle for YOUR first response.  More importantly, don't sponge up all the trash the media dispels, constantly. From images of violence to scantily clad women, products you HAVE to purchase or own to be considered "normal," activities you have to participate in to be considered "normal," and the strange but proliferated image that "normal" is "white," or a very negatively stereotyped "minority." 

I'm not "anti-White," I am learning to be anti-racist.  I am also learning what it means to be White.  As a white lady I've never had to ask that question the way people of color do every day of their lives in order to survive, in order to thrive.  I don't have to defend my whiteness. But in many life situations that happen with people, such as a teenager becoming pregnant, or a mother having several children, the judgements fall very differently depending on the ethnicity of the people involved.  A young Black woman is seen as irresponsible or trashy while a young White woman is seen as "having a supportive family" or "being strong for raising the child on her own."  A Black mother may be seen as seeking out welfare or benefits whereas a White mother may be seen as "having such a beautiful, large family."  When people who are not white get into positions of prestige or power, many people assume it's because of affirmative action which is a very loose legislature that mainly aims against discrimination of almost every group aside from White males due to that group always having had and still having the most dominance.  Yet when a White person holds the same position they "worked very hard to get there."  Most white people have breathed the "smog" of racial injustice and subliminal lies about why things are the way they are and that White privilege is just something "they" made up to try to create "reverse discrimination."  Why does the word and reality of discrimination have a direction in the first place??? Discrimination is discrimination. Disadvantage is disadvantage and privilege is privilege no matter how you try to spin them.  Let me reiterate: I am not "anti-White."  I am White. I love myself and certain things about my heritage.  Technically-speaking I am European-American with a heavy Swiss background.  There are good and bad parts of our past and we'd be smart to remember both.  I am looking for allies in this fight and it is a fight I intend to fight peacefully.  If this post makes you angry, please take some time to cool off and then feel free to communicate with me about it. I certainly don't have all the answers, maybe hardly any but I am open to questions. That is how we all learn.  

Homework - Read: online (now) article: White Privilege: unpacking the white backpack (I think...), The book "Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria?" by Beverly Daniel Tatum, Ph.D., and watch: You Tube clips on white privilege by Tim Wolf or the Young Turks.  This was homework I found and gave myself so don't feel like I'm trying to teach any particular person, just whomever is open-minded enough to read and watch a little bit of potentially "new" but true and forward thinking.  

Some of you may be thinking, "Oh, she's just doing this or thinking this way because she has a Black boyfriend."  The fact of the matter is, according to what I've discovered, that has something to do with it for sure. Sometimes, our first true relationships with people from different backgrounds is the first time our spoon and smog-fed thoughts get challenged or our perspectives reconsidered. Unfortunately, we as a society are so steeped in media's false imagery / misinformation etc. and separated by our lack of understanding, lack of tolerance and unwillingess to be challenged that we could go our whole lives and never even know how toxic, how wrong we were or are about some of this stuff.  It takes a lot to shake what's become so permanent in our minds.  I for one am very grateful and will continue to learn as much as I can in my lifetime (trips, bumps and bruises along the way), regardless the state of my current relationship in the future.  

This is no small undertaking and I'm not asking all of you to join me.  The truth is painful but then like the bittersweet sameness of sorrow and joy, the truth WILL set you free.